so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
