I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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