I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
