I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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