Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
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I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
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I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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