I looked at my own cervix.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
