Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
You can't motorboat a personality
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
