Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
