I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
