I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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