but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
do herpes really smell.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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