I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
