I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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