Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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