After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize