Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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