Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
4 words: hood of his car
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
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