Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize