so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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