I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
