If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
