Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
