I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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