I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
