1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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