Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
