He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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