the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
This can only be settled by a dance off.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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