I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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