I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
