maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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