I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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