There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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