You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Less talking, more tequila
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't notice because vodka
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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