my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
