Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize