i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
