i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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