so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
