She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
