Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
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well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
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I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
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