I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
