can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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