WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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