You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
