I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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