you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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