don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
