I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
