allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize