then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Congratulations! We have a period
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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