Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(650): View more from California

Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.

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(530): View more from California

When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.

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(419): View more from Ohio

The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.

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(310): View more from California

totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.

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25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Read it at the TFLN blog
(240): View more from Maryland

Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.

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(519): View more from Ontario

Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.

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(661): View more from California

There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.

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