to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier