First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
My bed smells like the plague
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
