You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I need water and some morals
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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