Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Your shirt... Was in my pants
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
