I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
