did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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