as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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