i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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