only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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