margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
